Written by Kathleen Bonsall
Cover image by Tim-Oliver Metz
INT. CAVE – DAY
Emma sleeps in a disoriented daze, lying on a pristine white carpet in a deep dank cave.
Floating flames, like lighters, at a concert, float above.
Flatiron rocks, bear imprints of a woman’s face.
A GINGER MOTH, GM, floats by.
GM
Emma wakes in the cave, of Rae Ray.
OTHER MOTHS DO LOOPS DE LOOPS
MOTH2
Bring in the Thunder
THREESCRAWNYBATCHES with SCOBY LEGGS climb a BOULDER. FENDERS on the their bender bods.
MOTH3
Three Batches and a Drum.
THREE BATCHES
Let’s fucking go!
TUNE GUITAR STRUM
A TOKEN CATERPILLAR known as DAVE- DROPS IN…TO A ROCK OPERA.
CATERPILLAR DAVE
Let’s get it on, with Marvin. We ain’t starvin’.
BACTERIAUNLEASHED speaks from a CRYSTAL THRONE
BACTERIAUNLEASHED
Dave is made of shite coins, mixed with a lil too much Pepe, and spice, if you ask me. But I am Nobody. Who are You?
ATLAS
If you please…seriously!
Caterpillar Dave slithers into booth seat, like a Slinky without a kid. He sidles up to a bearded bod.
CATERPILLAR DAVE
What’s the Buzz. Tell me whats a happenin’?
GREASEPEPE, sits with his BONG, writing SCRIPTURE in musical Notes, on MOTH WINGED PAPER. He is dirty. He is gray and slimy. But every rainbow needs some dark to make it shiny.
THREEBATCHESSINGING
Expert Advice Holders ONLY. Salami, most days, with Baloney…on the side…am I right?
LOC
Who cares what they say. I am LOC, Lord of the CHRISTIANOS. In the Name of the Nessy, Do not touch my Pepe.
Dave makes a move
CATERPILLAR DAVE
Yo. Dude. Don’t bogart that thang.
Loc hands it over.
LOC
Puff up, Caterpillar. You a nothin’ but a Babe, Dave.
Loc smiles. He loves his jam.
CATERPILLAR DAVE
Entire world knows I am.
He takes a big hit.
ATLAS looms in…
ATLAS
We must protect the purest!
BATCH#1
Dave is Corny
BATCH#2
Some say Horny
BATCH#3
Never. Rarely.
THREEBATCHES
Sometimes, Always….to SUNDAY…
A COINFACE WHISKERED SPHYNX SPRINGS FROM A STONE
COINFACESPHYNX
Ssh. Ssh. Don’t speak conspiracies …it’s all theories in the end. Or is it?
Emma stirs. She’s smiling. Feeling hugged by the soft furry carpet beneath her. She twirls a piece with her finger.
EMMA
Sweet Goddess of Luxury, … and thread counts…what begets me?
Emma sneezes.
The face embedded in the dome emerges, gradually manifesting as a radiant figure of light.
RAE RAY
What’s your damage, Emma Baby? Allergies? Cabbage? Too much garlic? Don’t worry. We got the cure.
White furry Scobys, AKA THE SACREDS, create a WAVE around Emma. The wave begins to lift her, like a magic carpet.
Emma springs to a sitting in position, eyes bulging. Her ankles are ties down, in Scoby Love.
EMMA
What the entire fuck?
Who, who, who…blah.
A White Waves of Scobys rising, move in a circle around the edge of the rug.
EMMA
I mean…shite…
Emma gasps.
EMMA
They’re baaaacK! Holy effin’ Jay Z…and I like it?
Horrified, yet feeling slightly admired, at the same time, Emma tries to stop petting the Silkin’ Scoby.
TWELVE RAE HOLLAGRAM FACES DRIFT OUT OF THE ROCKS…
RAE RAY
She’s stung fellas. Addicted to Love. Silk Moth Sundays. Your very own Wave? Never Fails.
The RAE FACES nod together…SING…BEATLES, ALL TOGETHER NOW harmony.
GROUP
All together now(all together now)…repeat
ATLAS
May as well face it!
GROUP
HA HA HA. You’re addicted to Love…might as well face it.
EMMA
I can’t help myself. They’re so soft, and that one? Were those eyes inside? Was that a cheeky winky wink?
A Scoby wave, curls around Emma’s wrist, like an old soft shoe.
THREE BATCHES SINGING
Might as well face it…YOU’RE ADDICTED EMMA!
EMMA at SIX, TALKING TO A SLUG IN THE GARDEN
EMMA
Are you my friend? Where is my Mother?
Atlas goes in – all Stevie and full of Wonder!
ATLAS
Isn’t she lovely. Pure as the driven snow. Perfectly brewing. I’ll take a Zombie to go?
Ominous LAUGHTER REVERBS surround Emma.
Emma eyes begin to wander and see the vastness of the Cave, in all its crystal glory.
DANK FRANK
Look! She’s elevating people.
Emma searches in vein for the voice.
She shouts to dome of the ceiling.
EMMA
I’m here God! It’s me Emma! The Scobys got me…Help Me…please..
DANK FRANK…spells out in a Signature of GLISTENING GOO, around the cave walls. It drips. Drops in blobs onto the cave floor.
DANK FRANK
Don’t sweat the smalls kid. Dank Frank got ya covered. All part of the process. Enlightment rocks.
An ominous rainbow of light shines through the dome.
RAE RAY
I am Rae Ray, A.K.A., Madame,…
MADNESS LAUGHTER, GIGGLES ensue…
EMMA SCREAMS
THUNDER, RAIN…BLACK OUT for 3 seconds.
RAE RAY
Ahem! Hmm. Hmm. 3 second Rule, FOOL…no Screaming! May I continue?
LIGHTERS FLICKER, and there is Emma surrounded by a circle of SINGLE FLAMES.
EMMA
Yes. Please. Ok. I guess.
RAE RAY
…Goddess Bee, Queen of the Suave, will do,.. tho in foreign lands, often known as Rae of the Rolling Rock, Rae of the Brave…wherever you roam, I am known, as the dearest…
EMMA
That’s a lot to take…
RAE RAY
Take in? Tell me about it. You try being me. But don’t get twisted, Sista. I make rainbows, cures, and well, I am …well, what would Dank Frank say?
THE FLAMES do THE WAVE, around the cave.
DANK FRANK
I’d say make her a Zombie? Quicktime. That would be hysterical.
ATLAS
Speaking my language there, Son. Fools don’t rush in.
Suddenly, tendrils reminiscent of the SCOBY legends creep out from the walls. Eerie appendages adorned with tiny hairs and eyeballs, that STARE at Emma…INTENTLY.
A piccolo pings…
Emma’s body TINGS OF fanciful things.
She leaps from the SCOBY bed, her heart pounding.
Ethereal fairies flutter about, their delicate wings drop glittering stars in rainbow colors.
A PARADE of SCOBY ZOMBIES file in…
ATLAS
They’re playing my song Batches. Hide The Light. Let the Games Begin!
What in all fuck will happen to Emma and her unlimited bandwith? Fools stay tooned…until next time. Peace Out.